Suffering from Shyness or Social Phobia? Here are Tips to Overcome Them

myselfhelpdiary social phobiaShyness affects most of us at some point of our lives. Usually, young people find shyness difficult to overcome as they improve their social skills. Some people seem to persist shyness into their adult life as if it becomes a habit.

Shyness is rooted in self-conscious and usually flourishes as people get mature and become experienced. On the other hand, for some people it can stick, and then actions are needed.

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Share Your Goals for Success

You need a 7 Day BrainwashMost people have a laundry list of ideas, goals, dreams and aspirations for their life. There are so many things they want to do but life gets in the way. The days, months and years pass by and many of those ideas never see the light of day.

There is a little technique you can use, if you have the courage, that will almost guarantee the achievement of big goals and dreams. It is based on the idea of “social pressure”.

Think about this; let’s say you have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight or achieve some desired level of fitness. You can set the goal privately and tell yourself, “I am going to achieve this goal by August 1.” On the other hand, you can make the goal public by telling all of your friends and family what you intend to do and even give a date for your desired completion.

As soon as you take that goal public, you move into a different state of mind. No longer are you at the mercy of your own self-discipline (which has been tarnished by years of bad habits). Now you have a much more powerful force dictating your day to day actions and decisions.

Is this method too aggressive?

Perhaps you’re thinking, what if I declare this goal to everyone and then fail to achieve it? It is a valid concern but let’s look at it in more detail.

If you set your goal, tell everyone about it and work hard towards the goal, only to fall a bit short, you are still in a better position than you were before setting the goal. Your results will have improved to some degree. You can move forward and set new goals from there.

However, if you set the goal, tell everyone about it and then take no action towards the goal, you have now put yourself in an embarrassing position. In my opinion, I think the pain of an event like that might be just the fuel you need to motivate yourself into action the next time around.

If the goal or dream you are aspiring for is important enough to you, I think this exercise would be extremely valuable to you and your life.

So how do you apply this to your life? Start by grabbing a pen and paper and simply brainstorm all of the things you would like to accomplish. Have fun with it and let your mind wander. Then, look at the most time sensitive goals. For example, the goal of becoming an expert guitar player may take years while the goal of quitting smoking can happen in a matter of days or weeks.

Pick a short term goal, set a date, declare the goal publicly and start working on it. You’ll be amazed at what happens!

Improve Yourself Programatically

You need a 7 Day BrainwashFor the past 3 years, I have spent most of my time developing my business and along the way, have had to overcome a number of fears and self-limiting ideas. What I was really doing was reprogramming my mind to think differently.

Here are 3 techniques you might want to try that will help you reprogram yourself to a new and improved YOU:

1. Hang out with an influencer.

When I first got started in business, I was struggling to pay the bills and find enough clients to keep me going. Even when I did find clients, I did a terrible job billing for my time and I was not recognizing my own value as a service provider.

I was then lucky enough to meet another business owner who had built a number of successful companies and had already been through all of the tough business lessons that I had yet to be exposed to. Over time we became friends and I was able to absorb an incredible amount of information about business, mindset, dealing with clients, social skills, etc… all of the things that made him so talented at business.

The challenge here is that you can’t just walk up to someone and ask them to be your friend. When you meet someone who you would like to learn from, show them that you value their time and bring something of your own to the table. If they feel they can also learn from you and your life experiences, they will be far more willing to hang out with you.

2. Wage a war against the whiny voice in your head.

Have you ever had an idea that totally captivated your imagination and inspired you to think about a life far beyond the one you are living today? If so, were you also among the majority of people who had that cynical, whiny, negative voice pop up and immediately tell you all the reasons why this new idea could never come true?

Instead of falling victim to that defeating voice, try turning the tables. Picture that voice as a vicious enemy trying to steal your life, power and happiness away from you. Challenge the voice. Question its authenticity. Question its reasoning. Make it powerless against your will.

Realize that you have the choice to replace that voice with a more encouraging, faithful and friendly one. A voice that will consider your goal not just a possibility, but a probability. A voice that does not look externally for validation before taking action, but rather, uses self-belief as its driving force. A voice that realizes that any person who has ever achieved greatness had to do so against similar odds and that all things are possible to those who commit to their vision.

3. Get the competitive edge.

When you want to accomplish something new, try setting up a competition against one or more people who want the same thing. This creates two powerful forces.

The first is the desire to be triumphant. Imagine the excitement someone must feel when they win a gold medal in the Olympics. They have achieved a personal dream and they get a flood of recognition from friends, family, media, fans and ultimately their entire country. What person would not love this kind of validation of success? The same kind of triumph can be experienced when you win a competition that you have been involved in, no matter how small it may be.

The second (and more powerful) force that gets created in competition is the desire to avoid defeat. Most humans instinctively associate any form of loss with pain and in most cases, will do anything necessary to avoid that pain. If you enter some kind of competition that will help drive you towards your goals, this pain avoidance force may be the deciding factor in your success.

Use competitive scenarios to drive you forward but remember to detach from the outcome. If you happen to lose your competition, don’t get down in the dumps. Focus on what positives came out of it (usually a drastic increase in results) and continue moving towards your goals.

Hang out with an influencer

You need a 7 Day BrainwashI think most people buy into the idea that we become a product of our environment. What better way to brainwash yourself to become better than spending time with someone who inspires you. When I first got started in business, I was struggling to pay the bills and find enough clients to keep me going. Even when I did find clients, I did a terrible job billing for my time and I was not recognizing my own value as a service provider.

I was then lucky enough to meet another business owner who had built a number of successful companies and had already been through all of the tough business lessons that I had yet to be exposed to. Over time we became friends and I was able to absorb an incredible amount of information about business, mindset, dealing with clients, social skills, etc… all of the things that made him so talented at business.

The challenge here is that you can’t just walk up to someone and ask them to be your friend. It is tough enough to find the influencer types but when you do, you have to make sure that you take interest in them and express your desire to learn from them. At the same time, show them that you value their time and bring something of your own to the table. If they feel they can also learn from you and your life experiences, they will be far more willing to hang out with you.

Multitasking Makes More Work For You

You need a 7 Day BrainwashEvery year that goes by, it seems as though our society is getting busier and busier. I hear comments from people in older generations saying that life was never this hectic when they were younger. With all of the advances in technology combined with the demands of family, career and so on, it is no wonder we live in such a “busy” culture.

Although the ongoing growth of technology has great benefits, it is sometimes hard to see how it also has negative implications. Specifically when it comes to time how we manage our time. Most people have advanced cell phones, laptops with internet connection, ipods, ipads, and a whole host of other electronic gadgets. Each one of these items serves a great purpose but also cause an enormous amount of distraction in our lives.

One thing I have been implementing in my life recently, that has been a huge benefit, is removing distractions. When you have a busy work load, the most important thing you can do is give yourself dedicated blocks of time to focus on completing it.

This means you remove interruptions like cell phones, email, browsing news or social media websites, (even traditional interruptions like chatty colleagues) etc… This way, you allow your mind to focus solely on the task at hand. For me, I do a lot of creative work that requires my concentration. I have found that I can accomplish more in one single 90 minute block of focussed work than I can in almost a full day of interrupted work.

I purposely remove myself from my distractions. I disconnect my internet connection, I turn off my phone, I even close any other programs that might be running on my computer. The only thing left for me to do is concentrate on the task at hand.

This can be applied in many situations both work related and otherwise. Any time you choose to remove focus from your main task at hand (i.e. multitasking), you are literally increasing your workload. The time it takes you to go back to your original job and get refocused ends up costing you a lot more time than it would have if you never allowed the interruption to happen.

If you are someone who considers themselves to be a good “multi-tasker”, take some time right to consider how many hours you are costing yourself each week by allowing your focus to move all over the place. It is very likely that you are spending more time than you need to complete many of your important work.

Once you do this analysis, make a commitment to focusing your energy on one major task at a time. You will be amazed at the results.

Improve Your Life Experiences

You need a 7 Day BrainwashIf you ever take a look at the people who seem to get the “most” out of life, it is usually the people who attempt the most. The first example that comes to my mind is in sports. In any team activity I have ever played, the best player on the team is usually the player who attempts the most shots or plays.

Being willing to attempt is one of the most important ingredients to success in all areas of life.

Unfortunately, many people are hindered by their overly cautious attitude. Whether they avoid speaking up in a board meeting, skip the sales call to the difficult buyer or shy away from asking an interesting person on a date, the end result is a lost opportunity.

The root cause of this overly-cautious, inhibited way of life usually comes down to learned behaviour. If you have always been a “conservative person” who analyzes every action and potential outcome before acting, you will continue to operate in this mode unless you consciously decide to change.

The people who take action and try new things are very often the most exciting people to be around. They have a rich variety of life experiences and other people are naturally magnetized to their stories of action, adventure, triumph and defeat.

If you feel frustrated or inhibited in one or more areas of your life then take a few minutes to consider what is really causing this result. How are you limiting yourself?

I remember a friend of mine telling me about a colleague in his sales division who constantly won all of the sales awards every year. The only thing this guy did differently than everyone else was that he simply tried more things. He would offer to meet clients in off hours, perform additional services beyond his call of duty and even introduce his clients to new people who they might be able to do business with.

This kind of person never waits for permission to try new things. They treat life as a series of mini-experiments and use the feedback from each action to evolve and adapt to their environment.

How much better would you feel if you ignored your inhibitions and just tried something totally new and different? This doesn’t require intense therapy or training. Join a social club or sports team, send a funny youtube video to your clients, take a photo of yourself doing something wacky and post it on Facebook, be the first person on the dance floor when you go to that next wedding.

All you have to do is choose an area of your life that you feel is lacking and take a bold action to stir up your results.