4 Keys on How to Be Assertive

myselfhelpdiary how to be assertiveDo you know someone who is overly aggressive or too pushy? That car salesman who approached you before you even got out of your car? Did he come too strong or too fast? You probably get turned off with that. Being aggressive or overly aggressive has its own time and place.

On the other hand, we must be assertive at times. In business, assertiveness is an important quality. Being assertive does not imply that you are overly aggressive. Even the most soft-spoken, mild-mannered people have to be assertive sometimes. Being assertive is expressing yourself to show the value in whatever it is your promoting.

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Share Your Goals for Success

You need a 7 Day BrainwashMost people have a laundry list of ideas, goals, dreams and aspirations for their life. There are so many things they want to do but life gets in the way. The days, months and years pass by and many of those ideas never see the light of day.

There is a little technique you can use, if you have the courage, that will almost guarantee the achievement of big goals and dreams. It is based on the idea of “social pressure”.

Think about this; let’s say you have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight or achieve some desired level of fitness. You can set the goal privately and tell yourself, “I am going to achieve this goal by August 1.” On the other hand, you can make the goal public by telling all of your friends and family what you intend to do and even give a date for your desired completion.

As soon as you take that goal public, you move into a different state of mind. No longer are you at the mercy of your own self-discipline (which has been tarnished by years of bad habits). Now you have a much more powerful force dictating your day to day actions and decisions.

Is this method too aggressive?

Perhaps you’re thinking, what if I declare this goal to everyone and then fail to achieve it? It is a valid concern but let’s look at it in more detail.

If you set your goal, tell everyone about it and work hard towards the goal, only to fall a bit short, you are still in a better position than you were before setting the goal. Your results will have improved to some degree. You can move forward and set new goals from there.

However, if you set the goal, tell everyone about it and then take no action towards the goal, you have now put yourself in an embarrassing position. In my opinion, I think the pain of an event like that might be just the fuel you need to motivate yourself into action the next time around.

If the goal or dream you are aspiring for is important enough to you, I think this exercise would be extremely valuable to you and your life.

So how do you apply this to your life? Start by grabbing a pen and paper and simply brainstorm all of the things you would like to accomplish. Have fun with it and let your mind wander. Then, look at the most time sensitive goals. For example, the goal of becoming an expert guitar player may take years while the goal of quitting smoking can happen in a matter of days or weeks.

Pick a short term goal, set a date, declare the goal publicly and start working on it. You’ll be amazed at what happens!

The “Need” to be Right

You need a 7 Day BrainwashOur world is full of variety. On any given day we can have both positive and negative experiences. Many of these experiences ultimately influence the way we see the world and the opinions we form about how the world works.

Everyone lives in the context of their own perspective. While one person may look at a snow storm and be excited about the possibilities to get out and have fun, another person might be full of fear because they had previously been involved in a driving accident caused by dangerous winter driving conditions.

The events and circumstances are neutral. Our opinions about them are not!

Since we all have our own way of seeing the world, conflict with family, friends, colleagues, etc… is inevitable. There is absolutely no way that you are going to process every event in the same way as the people in your life. When these conflicts and differences of opinion arise, are you prepared to deal with them?

While I do believe that a good debate can often lead to effective solutions of problems, many debates can turn sour and become more toxic than helpful. When this happens, it is important to recognize that the situation will likely end in a stale mate and that you don’t “need” to be right.

The “need to be right” can be harmful to your health. If you spend all of your focus and energy trying desperately to convince someone else that your perspective is the correct one, you are creating a huge amount of unneeded stress in your life. If you go into this mode of “needing to be right”, you should take a step back and ask yourself why. Why do I need to be right? Why do I need this other person to accept my way of thinking so badly?

This ultimately comes down to self esteem. If you believe in your heart that a certain perspective is 100% true, there is absolutely no need to force anyone else to agree with you. The sooner you can embrace this, the sooner you will reduce stress and create more happiness in your life.

Embrace the idea of not “needing to be right”. If someone is taking an aggressive stance with you and trying to force an opinion on you that you do not agree with, let it go! Let them be right in their head and you can confidently carry your own truth in your heart.