You Should Curb the Instinct of Taking Revenge

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myselfhelpdiary taking revengeRevenge begets revenge. Gandhi said that if everyone followed an eye for an eye, then we are all be walking blind. Taking revenge may sound pleasurable but it does not yield any goodness. On the other hand, there are still some people who do not want to take revenge.

Couples start hurting each other and the relationship starts to get sour. Instead of fixing the relations, they spend more time in making it worst. In fact, some people admit that they take pleasure in hurting others.

In a group meeting, a man was complaining about his wife calling him names. The wife admitted that she takes pleasure in calling him names. She felt guilty initially but she enjoyed it anyway. She admitted that the more her husband hated it, the more she enjoyed it.

Another example, a husband always has a reason not to put the children to bed or take the thrash out when it is his turn. The husband knows it drives her mad but he always does it. This ignites a chain reaction, in which revenge begets revenge. Now it is the turn of the wife to take revenge. She starts the war of underwear. She stops doing laundry for two weeks and her husband runs out of clean underwear. She justifies her action saying that why do not he wash his underwear himself.

When a couple enjoys hurting and taking revenge with each other, they lose the motivation of making up with each other. It is simple. There is more pleasure in fighting compared to pussyfooting. Some relationships even get more pathological as partners would first hurt each other and then make it up. Thoughts of revenge become more preoccupation, and couples spend less effort and time in doing any constructive work in their relationships.

The nature of revenge will hurt the person even more. As the person doing revenge will not care what will happen as long as the target suffers. We get stuck by spending more energy and time hurting the other. We suddenly ignore our plans and career for the spirit of revenge. Note that other are getting ahead while you get busy taking revenge.

Just as humans have an instinct to revenge, they also have instinct to repay kindness with kindness. All it takes is one person initiating kindness towards another person that can break the chain of revenge and anger. A good advice for anyone who is in a silent revenge is to stop it because it is not worth it. What price do you pay to guarantee that the target person pays? Who is being hurt here? Assess its harmful effects on yourself, your children, and the people you love and care about. Is revenge worth the total price you pay?

When the urge of revenge comes upon you, you should think before you act. Think about the advantage and disadvantages. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? Sometimes, it is best to cut your losses and move on. It is better to let the person get away so that you can also get away from it. As you move on, concentrate your effort and energy towards yourself. When you do well with your life, then that is the sweetest revenge.

Posted in Anger Management, Marriage and tagged , , , , .

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