Suffering from Shyness or Social Phobia? Here are Tips to Overcome Them

myselfhelpdiary social phobiaShyness affects most of us at some point of our lives. Usually, young people find shyness difficult to overcome as they improve their social skills. Some people seem to persist shyness into their adult life as if it becomes a habit.

Shyness is rooted in self-conscious and usually flourishes as people get mature and become experienced. On the other hand, for some people it can stick, and then actions are needed.

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How Rejection Actually Hurts

How Rejection Actually HurtsAs a success coach, I often observe the behavior of people to determine what drives and motivates them. Almost everyone I meet has a big vision and an inborn desire to be or do something far beyond their current reality. Very few people, however, take the required action to move towards those desires.

There are plenty of reasons why someone does not take action on a big idea but it usually boils down to some sort of fear that ultimately stops them. Okay, so I am not uncovering any groundbreaking information here! We all have fears and most of us know how they have been affecting our results.

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Arrogance Can Be Your Friend

Arrogance Can Be Your FriendI have always been a big believer in modesty and keeping an even keel (emotionally) whether you are experiencing great success or painful failure. Many people would agree that a modest person has an inner confidence that does not need to be flaunted; a sign of strong character.

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Guilt can lead to stress

You need a 7 Day BrainwashMany people hold onto guilt or emotional traumas burying them deep within and this in turn can be a constant source of stress that niggles away and irritates as external stresses build up. Whatever the source of guilt, regret or pain, it will only cause stale energy around the sufferer and hamper any stress reduction if left unresolved.

Guilt and regrets are common as are unresolved issues of rejection, heartbreak and grief but they stagnate and can be a powerful source of stress. To progress and to move away from any previously negative behavioural patterns that might have been developed over the years and to be able to manage stress more easily in the future, it is worth looking back at any of these feelings and identifying how they happened and how they should be dealt with.

Opening up the body, mind and soul to a better way of living means visualizing the negative emotions and recalling sometimes painful memories and this can be difficult, but it’s important that they are identified. Learning to let go of negative emotions and to be ready to move on is the only way forward. Accept that everyone does things that they regret, everyone feels pain, whether self-inflicted or caused through others but it’s unhealthy to hold onto those feelings. Stress management takes many forms and always looks to identify the crux of the matter.

Any visualization can be adapted to suit the individual’s personal circumstances, it simply requires them to focus on what they are trying to achieve before starting the visualization.

Healing Arrows is another useful visualization that can help you to focus on the inner most hurts and wounds that may have been damaging over the years. Focussing on these wounds is not to make the person re-suffer but to allow the sometimes fermenting wound to be emotionally cleansed and allow healing to take place.

With eyes closed and in a quiet space, the individual should focus on a time when they experienced emotional pain, trauma or conflict. This can be an emotional journey but to face up to any buried feelings, guilt or pain is an important part of the journey. If the event was simply buried at the time and is still tender and raw inside, then healing will not have begun yet.

Imagine the wound and lying within is a buried arrow, which is still keeping the emotional pain alive. Mentally imagine moving the arrow from the wound (the trauma) and realize that it doesn’t hurt to move it but instead, a sense of relief is experienced as the situation (the pain) is now able to heal and the wound is being cleansed.

Focus on the memory associated with the wound and watch it dissipate. As with all things in life, it’s important that the situation is accepted but understand that it is now possible to move on.

This is quite a powerful visualization and can take some time for the power behind it to materialize; it should be practiced regularly for maximum effect and can be adapted to suit.

Positive Notes

Write down something positive about life. Too often people concentrate on the negative aspects of their lives and this becomes the complete thought process upon which they live. No life is all good or all bad but to help ward off feelings of negativity and stress, write down all of the things that are good on an individual basis and then re-read it.

It may sometimes come as a surprise as to how much good is already there and how minimal the stress is by comparison. This technique provides clarity.

Slow Down!

You need a 7 Day BrainwashHow many times do you multi-task throughout the day? Your workplace might love your ability to write a letter, answer the phone and still manage to train someone within their role all at the same time but this isn’t doing you any good at all, not if you continue this multi-tasking practice continuously.

What about when you are at home? Do you find yourself cooking dinner and watching TV or listening to the radio? Is your mind constantly buzzing with uncompleted tasks? Do you plan your workload for the next day whilst you are peeling the potatoes for dinner? Do you find yourself doing general housework or gardening and talking and listening to your partner all at the same time?

It’s good to be efficient but in reality, you are probably only working at a fraction of your potential because you will be distracted and your mind will flit from one thing to another. It’s important to be mindful of your situation. Meditation will help you to slow your mind down and to live more in the moment. Consider a time when you were about to do something a little dangerous or try to recall a time when you needed the ultimate in concentration, your mind automatically slows down and you focus on the task at hand and this is important.

If you take up yoga for example, the process works the same. Okay, you are not doing anything dangerous, but you have to learn the postures, understand which muscles groups and organs that you are affecting, feel the stretch and learn to respect your body as you move into the postures and hold them.

These are powerful and yet gentle postures that need you to be mindful’ and they work. Of course there are other mindful’ hobbies too such as painting or pottery for example.

Goal setting

You need a 7 Day Brainwash“Goals are not only absolutely necessary to motivate us, they are essentially to really keep us alive.” Robert Schuller

Goal Setting and Goal Achieving is ultimately what characterizes the true winners in life. Unfortunately for some people, they have wonderful and exciting ideas for their life but it rarely goes further than the idea phase.

Having a Goal allows ANYONE to take an idea from the invisible plane of thought and begin the process of actualizing it in the real world.

In this lesson, we are going to focus on the process of goal setting. The subsequent lessons will help you with the actualization process of goal achieving.

So, how do you determine what your goals should be?

The easiest way to get going is to think about all of the various areas of your life where you place importance on improving your results. As an example, the most important areas of my life that I focus on for goal setting include Financial, Career, Family, Health/Fitness, Recreation/Free Time. There are no rules or restrictions when it comes to defining your own personal categories. The important part of the lesson is to look within and determine the areas of your life that you would like to focus on improving.

Note: You may already be very successful in a particular area of your life. This does NOT mean that you ignore goal setting here. In fact, it is just as important to focus on your goals in this area so that you move your mind into a mode of constant improvement’. There is ALWAYS room to grow! By universal law, if you are not growing and expanding, then you are fading away and dying. Choose NOW to always be moving in the direction of expansion

and fuller expression.

Goals are very much like a destination on the roadmap of your life. You are in charge of the direction you travel at ALL times. People with goals generally accomplish great things because they know where they are going.

An alarming observation is that according to recent statistics, fewer than 5% of the population have written goals for their life. This means that over 95% of the people are moving through life without a clear direction. So the obvious question for these folks is, “if you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?”

By learning this lesson, you automatically move yourself into the top 5% of high achievers.

Make the law of attraction work

You need a 7 Day BrainwashThe law of attraction states that if you want something, all you have to do is ask for it. This can sound too good to be true- just ask for anything at all and you will receive it? I can assure you it is perfectly true. The things you want in life really can be yours just by asking for them. However, making the law of attraction work for you is not always this easy.

Firstly, you have to know how to ask. That’s the key- knowing how to ask, and knowing what to ask for. You can ask for anything you want. But just asking for a new car when what you really want is a Ferrari means that you won’t be truly satisfied when you receive your new car and it isn’t a Ferrari. And just saying “I want a brand new Ferrari” and then getting on with your life as usual probably won’t attract it to you.

The way to get the new Ferrari is by focusing your thoughts on receiving it, picturing yourself driving it, truly believing you deserve it, and allowing it to come to you.

Just asking is only the first step in the law of attraction. Feeling and acting as if you’ve received it is the second, knowing you deserve it and allowing it to come to you is the third.

If you doubt whether you deserve to have it then this will produce negative energy. Negative energy produces negative results. If you don’t think you deserve a new Ferrari, you won’t get it. If you don’t think the law of attraction works, it won’t work for you. If you focus on the fact that you haven’t got a new Ferrari, you won’t get it. The law of attraction states we get what we think about- good and bad.

If you feel that you desperately need to have a new Ferrari, it will probably not come to you. If you are coming from a place of desperation and need, the universe will deliver more of what it thinks you want- more feeling needy and desperate. You have to keep yourself as detached from the outcome of your desire as possible. You can do this by feeling happy and satisfied with all you have in your life right now, and knowing for sure that your Ferrari will come to you at the best possible time for you and so you don’t need to worry. Your job is to remain positive at all times.

Positive energy is the only way to get positive results. And positive energy is only produced by positive thoughts and positive feelings. This is the key to making the law of attraction work for you.

15 inspirational Edison quotes

You need a 7 Day Brainwash“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

“I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.”

“I never did anything by accident, nor did any of my inventions come by accident; they came by work. “

“If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves. “

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless.”

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. “

“Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then he gets discouraged. That’s not the place to become discouraged. “

“One might think that the money value of an invention constitutes its reward to the man who loves his work. But… I continue to find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that precedes what the world calls success.”

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. “

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

“Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.”

“The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are: Hard work, Stick-to-itiveness, and Common sense. “

“The value of an idea lies in the using of it.”

“There is far more opportunity than there is ability.”

“There is no substitute for hard work.”

Believe it’s possible

You need a 7 Day BrainwashYou need to believe that your desires will manifest into your life. This may sound simple but it can be a very difficult step for you. The main reason why you do not have all that you desire in your life right now is that on a subconscious level you feel that you don’t deserve it or it is impossible for you to get it. Even if you start reading your intentions, and giving out positive emotional energy, if you feel deep down that you don’t deserve it or it will never happen, you are unwittingly pushing it away.

The trouble is we are so used to feeling down day after day. Most people seem to exist in a semi depressed state, and it has become the norm to moan about our lives. Maybe you don’t have enough money and the bills keep pouring in through the letter box. Every time you look at your bank statement or open a bill, you feel more anxious or depressed about not having enough money. You don’t believe that it’s possible for you to have more money and don’t think you have the skills to become wealthy so you believe that you will always struggle financially. By thinking this way, you are cutting yourself off from ever becoming wealthy. You will be giving out negatively charged emotional thought vibrations which will attract more bills and debt to you and keep money away.

The idea that we have to think positively, and focus instead on thoughts and abundance seems alien to us- after all, how can we possibly feel positive when we are struggling to put food on the table? Changing your whole thought patterns is not easy, but with a little practice it can be done- and the rewards are immeasurable. It’s a little like learning to drive- During your first few lessons it seems so complicated you feel you will never get the hang of it. After a few weeks, however, you are going through the motions of driving almost automatically. It just takes time, practice and patience!

One good tip is to state your intentions in smaller steps. For example, if you state an intention to earn $1,000,000, whilst it could be attainable, your subconscious may not be able to comprehend this amount if you are currently earning, say, $15,000. Your beliefs may not think that this is possible and you may be subconsciously pushing this goal away as you will not believe that you can achieve it.

So take smaller steps. You can probably imagine earning, say, $30,000- this will feel much more achievable and you are likely to be able to imagine earning this amount. Once you are earning $30,000, it will be easier for you to imagine and believe that you can earn $75,000 so this will be your next intention. Your beliefs will change as you move up towards your original goal and help you to believe that you can attain it.

Similarly, to someone who weighs 400lbs, stating an intention to weigh 120lbs may seem impossible to them, especially if they have been heavy for years and have tried every diet program out there.

But the idea of weighing 50lb less may be more believable to them, and so their first intention may be to weigh 350lbs.

Once they have achieved this, they can set their next intention to weigh 300lbs- as the weight is lost slowly, their beliefs that they cannot attain a healthy weight for their height and build will gradually change.

These 25 Tony Robbins quotes are sure to motivate you

You need a 7 Day Brainwash“Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.”

“For changes to be of any true value, they’ve got to be lasting and consistent.”

“How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to?”

“I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk.”

“I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.”

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

“In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently. “

“In life you need either inspiration or desperation.”

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

“It is not what we get. But who we become, what we contribute… that gives meaning to our lives. “

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.”

“Live with passion!”

“Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all of our resources on mastering a single area of our lives.”

“My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain – and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain.”

“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!”

“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.”

“Passion is the genesis of genius.”

“People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals – that is, goals that do not inspire them.”

“Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”

“The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.”

“The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”

“There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.”

“There’s always a way – if you’re committed.”

“There’s no abiding success without commitment.”